Life After Meth …

Something I’ve been meaning to write about is gut instincts. 

Those funny little feelings that tell your stomach something is true - even if your heart doesn’t want to believe it. 

I had those gut feelings about Craig using.  But after being married for over two decades - I wanted to believe my heart more …

Even though I would not consider myself an enabler.  I did justify to myself not following up on my gut instincts:

1. He’s not spending any money on it.
2. He’s a night owl … with an erratic work schedule.
3. He’s always been a sort of wild & crazy personality type.
4. He’s not getting skinny.
   
5. He’s not displaying any of the ‘typical’ signs of meth use.

But you know what?  Facts are facts.  He was using anyway - just like my gut instinct was trying to tell me.  I should have listen more quickly.  It would have possibly saved myself, our sons, and even Craig some pain.  Or maybe not - I don’t know?  But I do know that I will always be more vigilant at listening to my gut instincts. 

Because if I think it’s true … it’s probably true!

Can you guess that I’m talking about my husband Craig?

Yes … he is the one!  I suddenly realized last week - how glorious it is to actually have him living his life as  a responsible adult.  Even though he has been clean for a bit over 4 years.  Change can be subtle (His behavior changes.)  Especially when you are talking about a sort of wild & crazy personality type to begin with.  But you know what?  The man has changed!  He is dealing with being a grown-up in a grown-up world.  In other words … behaving responsible.  And actually quite compassionately!

I first truly noticed it a few weeks ago.  When we had to put to sleep one of our beloved black lab dogs.  We had Fugee (the black lab)  for over 11 years, and his cancer had taken a toll.  It was time to release him from his pain.  We had never had to do anything like this before.  I really thought I was going to be the only ’strong’ one, to be with Fugee while the Vet administered the shot.  But bless Craig’s heart … he stayed in the room with us.  He cried as he comforted Fugee.  He cried as he comforted me.  He was willing to deal with a hard reality of our life.  A huge change from when he was using … huge!

Then last week - I was informed that I have to have a full hysterectomy.  With a distinct possibility of already having cancer.  My surgery is this coming Monday.  (When he was using, this would have more than likely set him off.)  But not now!  He is being wonderfully supportive of me and my needs during this ordeal.  An incredible change in his behavior choices!

It’s truly nice having another responsible adult in the house. 

I’m so proud of him! 

Life is sweet … even through the difficult times!!!

dawn

“It is only in the stillness and simplicity of presence — when we are
aware of what we are experiencing, when we are here with it as it
unfolds — that we can really appreciate our life and reconnect with
the ordinary magic of being alive on this earth.” 

- Excerpted from an article called Everyday Zen, written by Alexandra Barron, in the 2008 winter issue of Successful Living magazine. You can click here to sign up for a free charter subscription!

Dr. Andrew Weil says that this is the single most effective relaxation technique.  And the foundation of any meditation practice.  All that fancy description of breathing means, is deep, rhythmic inhalation of your breath.  Which really does relax your body and focus your mind.

Slowing down and taking a moment to think about breathing is an awesome technique for meditating.  Which sounds complicated.  But it’s so not.  All meditation really is …

Is being completely in the moment.

One of the ways I achieve this - is by listening.  Really listening.  Especially when I’m in a larger group of people.  I totally focus on all the individual things that I hear.  Usually from the nearest sound (which is usually the loudest) to the farthest sound.  I listen … really listen.

This literally is everyday zen meditation!

Give it a try when your doing something tomorrow-  

Just focus on the moment at hand! 

Learning healthy ways to relax is so important in life …

What do you do to relax? 

Leave a comment and share your thoughts!

Have a healthy tomorrow …

dawn

Is an idea Craig and I learned from his rehab and therapy … And was quite helpful for both of us.  Basically what it boils down to, is letting go of all the Should-Have-Beens, so many of us hold on to. 

You know what I’m talking about - don’t you?  The “I should have saved $100K by now.“  Or the “I should have been in upper management by now.“

For Craig, it was all about being a real estate guy.   Besides his day job of course.  Since childhood he had been groomed to buy, rehab, and rent out properties.  Building his fortune via real estate.  Which is awesome, and we did this for two decades.  The upside being it supplemented our income during this time period.  But the down side was an emotional and physical burnout, for Craig partially contributing to his drug abuse …

He eventually realized he didn’t want to do real estate anymore.   So, he had to formulate a new vision for his future.  Long story short … he had to rewrite his story.  Furthermore - we had to rewrite OUR story. 

It’s kind of exciting in a way - new beginnings and all. 

(The potential of possibilities can be a pretty cool thing!)

It’s a New Year …

The perfect time to let go of your ‘Should-Have-Beens’ and rewrite your story … because there is life after meth!

Best wishes for a healthy and prosperous 2009 New Yea!! 

dawn

A couple of days ago - I was talking to my baby sister on the telephone. 

I don’t remember what we were talking about in particular.  But something she said did stick in my mind.  She commented on how trusting I was and how paranoid she is.  Now believe me the whole family knows how paranoid she is.  Yet I had never really thought about me and trust …

She’s right - I am quite trusting.

Trust has always been something Craig and I shared deeply.  Which is probably why we’ve been able to stay married for so darn long (28 years this past October.)  The only time he ever lied to me, was the first time I asked him if he was doing Meth.   The second time I asked him he told the truth.  I wasn’t sure how my trustful nature was going to play out  from that day forward?  In all honesty my trust for Craig never diminished.  I don’t know why it didn’t diminish.  I suppose he’s quite lucky it didn’t diminish.  (And no I’m not stupid.)  Having faith and trust in people is just in my nature.  Trust is a tricky thing though …

How are you with trust?  Is it easy or difficult for you?  

When Craig and I met as teenagers, we were both very athletic.  He was an avid weightlifter.  I was into working out and teaching aerobics.  (When I was even younger - I taught Karate classes.)  This was a huge part of our identities.  It was also something we let careers, children, and middle age, steal from us.

During Craig’s rehab and recovery, we prioritized improving our health habits.  Exercise and healthier eating had to become a consistent part of our everyday life.  This was something that would end up being huge in Craig’s success!

With our backgrounds, you’d think it would have been easy to incorporate healthier habits, into our new beginning lifestyle.  Well you’d be wrong - it wasn’t easy.  Even in recovery life has a way of making change hard.  At first I was all gung ho.  Then I’d start to lose steam & he’d get into it.  We kind of did this flip flop thing for quite a few months, then one day, we were finally on the same page.  We were doing daily walks through George Wyth State park (3-miles).  We cut out the fast food, completely.  The sporadic use of our treadmill, turned into daily use by both of us.  Small changes, that started to yield big results.

Here are some other small steps towards health & happiness:

1. Eat an apple before lunch.  It will fill you up with healthy & tasty fiber, helping you to eat less calories.
2. Brush your teeth with your other hand.  Using your non-dominant hand can improve you mood & memory.
3. Drink filtered coffee.  Unfiltered coffee is linked to higher levels of cholesterol.
4. Have a few walnuts.  Try eating an ounce a day.  They contain liver healthy omega -3s.
5. Wake up with a plan.  Jump in the shower & try to remember yesterday’s headlines.  Physical and mental activity will activate your brain!
6. Practice the phrase “I forgive you.”  Choosing to forgive helps us see a situation through understanding and compassion.  By making a problem yours to forgive, regardless of the behavior of the other person, you’re giving yourself a profound degree of control.
7. Purge toxic possessions.  Peter Walsh, from TLC’s Clean Sweep, says, “Dwelling on regrets and negative memories fuels depression, which is why clearing out the tangible reminders can give you a lift.”
8. Stand on the balls of your feet.  Simply shifting your weight to the balls of your feet will help you feel more grounded, if your having a tough conversation.
9. Take ten minutes for daydreaming.  When your stumped on a problem, the best way to solve it is to let your mind wander.

(This list was excerpted from Sara Reistad-Long’s article in the November issue of O magazine, titled Small Changes, Big Results .)

~ by dawn (a.k.a.  iowahippiechick)