Life After Meth …

I am saying good-bye to blogging at http://lifeaftermeth.today.com

I will now be blogging at http://meandcraig.blogspot.com

Have your ever heard the phrase “Be careful what you wish for - it may come true!”

That is exactly what happened when Craig completed his meth rehab.

And it was kind of weird - because he was no longer “the bad boy.”

Instead of ME being the good one …

WE WERE NOW THE GOOD ONES.

Very interesting and definitely a change of pace for us.

But I was ready for it -

Ready to meet the new normal.

A normal where Craig was able to deal with his emotions.

A normal where Craig made healthy choices.

A normal where Craig was responsible.

Some people in our lives still won’t accept our new normal.  Like his very own mother, and brother.  Even some of his old friends. And it’s kind of sad!  But we are staying healthy and strong.  Confident in our new normal of healthy and responsible choices.

Photo Credit: Cody

Something I’ve been meaning to write about is gut instincts. 

Those funny little feelings that tell your stomach something is true - even if your heart doesn’t want to believe it. 

I had those gut feelings about Craig using.  But after being married for over two decades - I wanted to believe my heart more …

Even though I would not consider myself an enabler.  I did justify to myself not following up on my gut instincts:

1. He’s not spending any money on it.
2. He’s a night owl … with an erratic work schedule.
3. He’s always been a sort of wild & crazy personality type.
4. He’s not getting skinny.
   
5. He’s not displaying any of the ‘typical’ signs of meth use.

But you know what?  Facts are facts.  He was using anyway - just like my gut instinct was trying to tell me.  I should have listen more quickly.  It would have possibly saved myself, our sons, and even Craig some pain.  Or maybe not - I don’t know?  But I do know that I will always be more vigilant at listening to my gut instincts. 

Because if I think it’s true … it’s probably true!

Can you guess that I’m talking about my husband Craig?

Yes … he is the one!  I suddenly realized last week - how glorious it is to actually have him living his life as  a responsible adult.  Even though he has been clean for a bit over 4 years.  Change can be subtle (His behavior changes.)  Especially when you are talking about a sort of wild & crazy personality type to begin with.  But you know what?  The man has changed!  He is dealing with being a grown-up in a grown-up world.  In other words … behaving responsible.  And actually quite compassionately!

I first truly noticed it a few weeks ago.  When we had to put to sleep one of our beloved black lab dogs.  We had Fugee (the black lab)  for over 11 years, and his cancer had taken a toll.  It was time to release him from his pain.  We had never had to do anything like this before.  I really thought I was going to be the only ’strong’ one, to be with Fugee while the Vet administered the shot.  But bless Craig’s heart … he stayed in the room with us.  He cried as he comforted Fugee.  He cried as he comforted me.  He was willing to deal with a hard reality of our life.  A huge change from when he was using … huge!

Then last week - I was informed that I have to have a full hysterectomy.  With a distinct possibility of already having cancer.  My surgery is this coming Monday.  (When he was using, this would have more than likely set him off.)  But not now!  He is being wonderfully supportive of me and my needs during this ordeal.  An incredible change in his behavior choices!

It’s truly nice having another responsible adult in the house. 

I’m so proud of him! 

Life is sweet … even through the difficult times!!!

dawn

Is an idea Craig and I learned from his rehab and therapy … And was quite helpful for both of us.  Basically what it boils down to, is letting go of all the Should-Have-Beens, so many of us hold on to. 

You know what I’m talking about - don’t you?  The “I should have saved $100K by now.“  Or the “I should have been in upper management by now.“

For Craig, it was all about being a real estate guy.   Besides his day job of course.  Since childhood he had been groomed to buy, rehab, and rent out properties.  Building his fortune via real estate.  Which is awesome, and we did this for two decades.  The upside being it supplemented our income during this time period.  But the down side was an emotional and physical burnout, for Craig partially contributing to his drug abuse …

He eventually realized he didn’t want to do real estate anymore.   So, he had to formulate a new vision for his future.  Long story short … he had to rewrite his story.  Furthermore - we had to rewrite OUR story. 

It’s kind of exciting in a way - new beginnings and all. 

(The potential of possibilities can be a pretty cool thing!)

It’s a New Year …

The perfect time to let go of your ‘Should-Have-Beens’ and rewrite your story … because there is life after meth!

Best wishes for a healthy and prosperous 2009 New Yea!! 

dawn

My husband was addicted to methamphetamine.   His addiction was a self destructive behavior that had collateral damage.  Namely, me and our two sons.  This addiction should have destroyed our marriage and our family.  But with a lot of understanding & work - we have survived and even thrived!

The beginning of the healing started with his confession.  Revealing his secret was one of the hardest things he had ever done.  He thought by confessing his drug abuse, he would lose me & the boys forever.  I, on the other hand, was relieved to know the truth.  This revelation explained the ridiculous chaos  that had taken over his life.  But right then - I wasn’t sure what our future held.

It was a pivotal point in our lives …

Destruction or the beginning of a new chapter. Choices and decisions by all of us, would decide our path.

Obviously,  he would have to take the lead by being pro-active in choosing to get professional help.

But if you know anyone who has abused themselves with methamphetamine, you know what master manipulators they can be.  He tried the whole, “I can quit by myself,” routine.

It didn’t work with me. Because I may have been naive, but I was not stupid.  Immediately he realized - it was lose absolutely everyone he treasured & held dear. Or go to rehab.

He chose rehab …

During this very bumpy and emotional time, we survived by God’s Grace.  There is no other way to explain it.

Because it was a horrible time.

For me and the boys, there were feelings of anger, betrayal, disappointment, and resentment.  For him, there were the same feelings compounded with guilt.

Hard as this time was - he & I learned a lot.

First - the power of forgiveness.  I had to forgive him, for hurting me and our sons.  He had to forgive himself, and the people who had hurt him, in his past.

Second - the fact we truly, only, have control over ourselves.  As much as we would all like to delude ourselves, about the power of our influence, it does not equal control over others.  Realizing this is quite freeing.  It takes a lot of the stress out of life …

Which leads me to the third thing he & I learned - prioritizing.

We took an inventory of our values, hopes, dreams.  Then used this information to set our goals.  Goals and the necessary lifestyle changes for him to be successful with rehab.

He will always be an addict … but a recovering addict.

As of November 25th, 2008 - clean for four years.

We are enjoying this new chapter in our lives …

Hopefully, the knowledge we have gained through this experience - Has given us the tools to keep life after methamphetamine … Healthy & Happy!