Life After Meth …

A couple of days ago - I was talking to my baby sister on the telephone. 

I don’t remember what we were talking about in particular.  But something she said did stick in my mind.  She commented on how trusting I was and how paranoid she is.  Now believe me the whole family knows how paranoid she is.  Yet I had never really thought about me and trust …

She’s right - I am quite trusting.

Trust has always been something Craig and I shared deeply.  Which is probably why we’ve been able to stay married for so darn long (28 years this past October.)  The only time he ever lied to me, was the first time I asked him if he was doing Meth.   The second time I asked him he told the truth.  I wasn’t sure how my trustful nature was going to play out  from that day forward?  In all honesty my trust for Craig never diminished.  I don’t know why it didn’t diminish.  I suppose he’s quite lucky it didn’t diminish.  (And no I’m not stupid.)  Having faith and trust in people is just in my nature.  Trust is a tricky thing though …

How are you with trust?  Is it easy or difficult for you?  

I decided to write about my faith, God, and religion - Yet I LOVE to talk face to face about my spirituality … odd isn’t it?  I think when I share something intimate like personal faith - I need eye contact from the listener for validation.  Or something like that.  I’m not sure?  Writing about this topic is still kind of new to me.  Anyhow, nervous itchy skin and all - I’m pressing forward with my little story!

As a child did you ever read the Dr. Seuss book Horton Hears A Who?  If you haven’t - I’ll condense the story down for you.  Horton is an elephant that hears a sound from a small speck of dust - soon realizing it is a tiny planet with tiny little inhabitants.  These little citizens of the dust speck planet ask Horton to protect them and he agrees, stating that, “A person’s a person no matter how small.“  Horton is tormented and caged by his peers for believing in something they can neither hear or see.  Horton has to convince the tiny dust inhabitants to make themselves heard by the others … or they are all doomed.  They try - and it literally takes the contribution of the tiniest dust inhabitant to make their collective sound audible to Horton’s peers.  Which validates Horton’s statement a person’s a person no matter how small.

Now your probably wondering why the heck I’m babbling on about Dr. Seuss, Horton, and a speck of dust.  Well … to a little 4 year old Catholic girl - this story spoke to me!  To me it said that we are all a part of something bigger.  At the time it’s text and illustrations simplified the very big concept of God for me …

… My faith continued to grow from that moment on!

A faith that has helped me through some very dark moments in my life - a faith that helped sustain hope for a better tomorrow.

I really believe life after meth has to include some sort of belief in a higher power!

I don’t care what zip code your higher power lives in as long as you believe in something bigger than yourself! 

(Not a statement you’d expect from a good little Catholic girl like myself.) 

But really - it’s not my place to convert anyone. 

I just know that believing in God has certainly helped me through my darkest moments.

dawn 

Today was a dramatic one for Craig and his co-workers.

A fellow employee & friend is probably going to lose his job.

By all accounts he is a decent guy - but apparently he drinks. 

(I’m not sure what end of the spectrum he falls under for consumption.)

Anyway on with the rest of the story …

Craig & his co-workers are required to undergo random drug testing.

Which is a known aspect of their job.

The previously mentioned fellow blew dirty for alcohol sometime in the past and was given a second chance.

I’m fine with this - people make errors in judgment and MESS-UP …

Knowing that he was on his second chance, today he blew dirty AGAIN!

The consequence for this result is probably going to be dismissal.

Right now he is on suspension.

The whole city street department is in an uproar.

Some of the people want him to get yet another chance.

Others are more along the lines of what was he thinking?

I know he is a nice guy - but so what?

He already received a second chance … yet was willing to make a behavior choice that risked losing his job!

I have compassion for him - but no sympathy.

Why don’t people realize behavior choices have consequences?

by dawn

All the self-help books & guru’s  talk about fighting fair in a relationship.  Which is terrific in theory - but can be a bit difficult in practice.  Last night Craig and I practiced …

My side:

At the time of the fight - I thought I was irritated at his motorcycle getting left behind at my sister & brother-in-law’s house Saturday night.  This was now Monday night and we still hadn’t picked it up.  I didn’t think it was cool to be taking up space in their garage with all the winter weather we were getting.  Apparently I communicated my thoughts a bit ‘naggy’ and Craig didn’t appreciate it!

His side:

Saturday night at the family get together & meal, he decided to stay longer than I.   He was having fun playing board games with some of my family. During this time - the weather got crappy.  The temperature dropped and heavy snow started coming down.  (Not exactly prime for bringing his bike home.)  So he got a ride home from my brother-in-law.  Then 9pm that night he got called in to work a 16 hour shift at the city street department for snow removal.  Then home for 8 hours and back in for almost another 16 hours.  Which leads us to Monday night.  When his FATHER (Who recently divorced his mother after 50 years of marriage to marry a younger woman calls.)

Conclusion:

After our mutual temper tantrums Monday night - we went and got the bike home.  When we got back in our house … we sort of found our own quiet spaces for awhile.  Then we talked.  He admitted he wasn’t really all that annoyed with me wanting to get the bike home - it was the call from his dad.  I admitted even though I loved him spending time with my family - I was a little frustrated he stayed so much later than me.  I felt ditched. After saying what was really bothering us … we were over it.  Honesty in communication - fair fighting!  As Borat would say, “Very Nice!”

by dawn