Life After Meth …

It took me awhile to come to terms with Craig’s confession of drug use & subsequent rehab.  It was a lot of information to digest - a lot of feelings to process.  Something that took me a little by surprise, was the extremely harsh judgments of others.  Not just from acquaintances, but friends and family.  I wasn’t ready for that!

I was under the false impression -

• That people would want Craig to succeed at rehabilitation.
• That people would want our family & marriage to survive intact.
• That they would wish us happiness & health.

The reality was many didn’t, including Craig’s family.  But as we both learned through this whole process - it’s out of our control.  People are entitled to their opinions.  It was kind of interesting to see whom our real friends were - where our emotional support did come from!

I guess what I’m trying to spit out, is during the recovery process, be ready for some harsh judgments.  Because they will come.  And it might surprise you where they come from.  But you might also be equally surprised, by where your support comes from!  

~ by dawn (a.k.a. iowahippiechick)

When Craig and I met as teenagers, we were both very athletic.  He was an avid weightlifter.  I was into working out and teaching aerobics.  (When I was even younger - I taught Karate classes.)  This was a huge part of our identities.  It was also something we let careers, children, and middle age, steal from us.

During Craig’s rehab and recovery, we prioritized improving our health habits.  Exercise and healthier eating had to become a consistent part of our everyday life.  This was something that would end up being huge in Craig’s success!

With our backgrounds, you’d think it would have been easy to incorporate healthier habits, into our new beginning lifestyle.  Well you’d be wrong - it wasn’t easy.  Even in recovery life has a way of making change hard.  At first I was all gung ho.  Then I’d start to lose steam & he’d get into it.  We kind of did this flip flop thing for quite a few months, then one day, we were finally on the same page.  We were doing daily walks through George Wyth State park (3-miles).  We cut out the fast food, completely.  The sporadic use of our treadmill, turned into daily use by both of us.  Small changes, that started to yield big results.

Here are some other small steps towards health & happiness:

1. Eat an apple before lunch.  It will fill you up with healthy & tasty fiber, helping you to eat less calories.
2. Brush your teeth with your other hand.  Using your non-dominant hand can improve you mood & memory.
3. Drink filtered coffee.  Unfiltered coffee is linked to higher levels of cholesterol.
4. Have a few walnuts.  Try eating an ounce a day.  They contain liver healthy omega -3s.
5. Wake up with a plan.  Jump in the shower & try to remember yesterday’s headlines.  Physical and mental activity will activate your brain!
6. Practice the phrase “I forgive you.”  Choosing to forgive helps us see a situation through understanding and compassion.  By making a problem yours to forgive, regardless of the behavior of the other person, you’re giving yourself a profound degree of control.
7. Purge toxic possessions.  Peter Walsh, from TLC’s Clean Sweep, says, “Dwelling on regrets and negative memories fuels depression, which is why clearing out the tangible reminders can give you a lift.”
8. Stand on the balls of your feet.  Simply shifting your weight to the balls of your feet will help you feel more grounded, if your having a tough conversation.
9. Take ten minutes for daydreaming.  When your stumped on a problem, the best way to solve it is to let your mind wander.

(This list was excerpted from Sara Reistad-Long’s article in the November issue of O magazine, titled Small Changes, Big Results .)

~ by dawn (a.k.a.  iowahippiechick)

I know that doesn’t sound romantic, or sexy, but reality is marriage takes work. Especially when a partner makes a messed up choice - like getting involved with drugs!  But for me … him making a mistake wasn’t a deal breaker. The deal breaker would be  him not correcting the mistake.

Neither one of us has ever been afraid of hard work - emotional or physical.  And correcting meth addiction was a lot of both, for both of us.  I think at one point or another, we both felt like that little hamster lifting the barbell & weights.  Overwhelmed, but with an, “I’m gonna do it” spirit.

After 24 years of marriage, you just don’t toss somebody aside!  My momma raised me better than that.  And his family (the root of 90% of his issues) was horrible.  His mother literally told me to kick him to the curb.  His family had zero participation in his recovery - zero!

They were too involved in building their wealth, infidelity, and avoiding any emotion whatsoever.  But do you want to hear some youthful wisdom, that our oldest son told him?  He told his dad, “Your family doesn’t deserve you!“

Simple, sincere, and it caught my husband’s attention.

He began to shift his focus from the past hurts from his family … towards today & tomorrow.

Recovery is work - hard work.  Not just for the user … but for the spouse, children, and loved ones.  It is so worth it though!  Our marriage, and family, regained the joy & hope for the future  - that we had lost for a couple of years.

My husband was addicted to methamphetamine.   His addiction was a self destructive behavior that had collateral damage.  Namely, me and our two sons.  This addiction should have destroyed our marriage and our family.  But with a lot of understanding & work - we have survived and even thrived!

The beginning of the healing started with his confession.  Revealing his secret was one of the hardest things he had ever done.  He thought by confessing his drug abuse, he would lose me & the boys forever.  I, on the other hand, was relieved to know the truth.  This revelation explained the ridiculous chaos  that had taken over his life.  But right then - I wasn’t sure what our future held.

It was a pivotal point in our lives …

Destruction or the beginning of a new chapter. Choices and decisions by all of us, would decide our path.

Obviously,  he would have to take the lead by being pro-active in choosing to get professional help.

But if you know anyone who has abused themselves with methamphetamine, you know what master manipulators they can be.  He tried the whole, “I can quit by myself,” routine.

It didn’t work with me. Because I may have been naive, but I was not stupid.  Immediately he realized - it was lose absolutely everyone he treasured & held dear. Or go to rehab.

He chose rehab …

During this very bumpy and emotional time, we survived by God’s Grace.  There is no other way to explain it.

Because it was a horrible time.

For me and the boys, there were feelings of anger, betrayal, disappointment, and resentment.  For him, there were the same feelings compounded with guilt.

Hard as this time was - he & I learned a lot.

First - the power of forgiveness.  I had to forgive him, for hurting me and our sons.  He had to forgive himself, and the people who had hurt him, in his past.

Second - the fact we truly, only, have control over ourselves.  As much as we would all like to delude ourselves, about the power of our influence, it does not equal control over others.  Realizing this is quite freeing.  It takes a lot of the stress out of life …

Which leads me to the third thing he & I learned - prioritizing.

We took an inventory of our values, hopes, dreams.  Then used this information to set our goals.  Goals and the necessary lifestyle changes for him to be successful with rehab.

He will always be an addict … but a recovering addict.

As of November 25th, 2008 - clean for four years.

We are enjoying this new chapter in our lives …

Hopefully, the knowledge we have gained through this experience - Has given us the tools to keep life after methamphetamine … Healthy & Happy!